Five sentence summary
There is no one right way to experience ADHD. There is no singular correct way to view ADHD. Everyone is entitled to their own experience of their ADHD and all of these experiences are valid. The trouble starts when we police other people's experiences and when we carelessly speak about our experiences as if they are universal.
Some folks love their ADHD and view it as a superpower. Some folks hate their ADHD and want it gone. Some people love their ADHD in certain conditions and hate it other times. Some people love their ADHD but hate the inaccessibility of society. All of these views are valid. All of these views are true in some sense.
There is no one right way to experience ADHD nor is there one right way to view ADHD. Your experience of ADHD is your experience. It's limited, it may have aspects that are entirely unique and aspects that are not. It is affected by your family, your race, your support network, culture, education, income, genetics, any other disorders/diseases/conditions you may have, and all the other parts of your life and your identity. ADHD manifests itself in many ways, is experienced by people differently, and everyone is entitled to their own experience of their ADHD.
ADHD may play a small part in your life or it may be all-consuming. You may constantly be aware of your ADHD or you may think about it only when someone else mentions it. How much you think about your ADHD can depend on the type of ADHD you have, the spaces you live, work, and play in, and the support systems you have. It can depend on the treatment you have received and at what age it started. For those diagnosed as a child, it's something that has long been a part of their identity. Maybe it's never questioned or considered or maybe you're very much aware of how it affects you. For those diagnosed as an adult, perhaps it explains all sorts of behaviors and events, why you felt different, but a late diagnosis may also add confusion and seemingly endless questions.
Don't police others and don't extrapolate carelessly
The problems arise when we start policing other people's ADHD. If we react without considering the other person's experience (which is hard because our hyperactivity means we may react too quickly), we risk causing harm. If we reply, "You need to be more positive, ADHD is a gift" when someone is discussing how much trouble they're having juggling multiple projects, that can hurt. No one wants their experiences negated. Throw in RSD, and the damage increases substantially.
At the same time, there is a difference between disregarding someone's experience entirely and questioning their perspective from a neutral or kind heart. When someone remarks on a comment I've made in a completely different way, rather than shut myself down and think, "No, that's not what I meant. That's not my experience. That person doesn't understand." I try and take a breath and ask, "Well, what happens if they're right or partially right? Could their perspective make sense? What direction might they be coming from and how would this experience look from that direction?" I try to balance my own knowledge of my ADHD while recognizing that I will never know everything and that learning will only make me stronger, more fulfilled, and happier in the long run. If I have the opportunity to learn from someone who disagrees with my experience of ADHD, I try to take it, especially if I know it comes from a place of kindness or at least honest curiosity. If I suspect the person is trying to start an argument or has ulterior motives, well I have enough on my plate and I don't need to spend energy on that conversation or those thoughts. Problems can also arise when we make statements or speak about our ADHD and our circumstances as though they are everyone's circumstances and as if everyone experiences ADHD like we do. When we thoughtlessly expand our personal experiences beyond ourselves, we risk ignoring the diversity of ADHD brains and the unique experiences individuals have. Just because you can order three months of ADHD medications that are stimulants in your state does not mean everyone can. You may find your colleagues treat you much worse after disclosing your ADHD, but some folks disclose and their work conditions improve. Be mindful when giving advice, especially concerning accommodations, what is and what isn't legal (and telling someone to sue), medications, and any advice where the person receiving could be adversely and severely affected by misinformation.
For example, don't tell a student that registering with the disability office will only take a week or two if you don't know for certain it will take this exact student at this exact school with this exact documentation a week or two to register. If they wait a week before school starts and the process is more involved, that student likely won't have accommodations they need by the time classes begin. Don't tell someone a certain medication should be covered by insurance if you don't know what insurance that person has, what country they're in, what their relationship with their doctor is, etc. Most of the time we're just excited to share our experiences and get the information out there, but we can seriously misinform someone and make their life a lot harder when they're following advice built for someone on a different continent.
Your ADHD is your ADHD. However you feel about it is valid and you shouldn't feel pressured to accept it as a superpower or a disability if it doesn't feel that way to you. Recognize what experiences are yours, how your history, circumstances, family, doctors, and society has all shaped your ADHD, and be mindful not to extrapolate wildly. Your ADHD is your ADHD, but it is also only your ADHD. Key points:
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AuthorThere's a reason theADHDAcademic is an anonymous account and there's a reason why this website will remain anonymous That said, there are some basics it might be helpful to know about me: DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional or a lawyer of any kind. All text, graphics, and content on this website are for educational purposes only. Any and all content should not be substituted for medical or legal advice. Although I strive to provide the most accurate, current, and scientifically sound information, content should never be substituted for professional advice. Always consult a medical and/or legal professional before making any decisions. Links are provided only for reference and do not necessarily imply endorsement.
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